Gosh, it’s been another while since I’ve written in this blog! This last month and a bit has been hectic in my role for a university with all the end of year marking madness and for a while there, being totally honest, I felt like I was trapped in this Groundhog Day darkness of never ending marking with no end in sight. I don’t know quite why I find it so hard; I think it comes all at once and I like to do a good job and be fair and reasonable and give good feedback and then my perfectionism kicks in and I want to mark “perfectly” (whatever that looks like!) and it all just takes so long! I think sometimes there’s also a lot of decision fatigue and almost cognitive overload of just doing so much reading and digesting and understanding and then having to decide what that means in terms of a grade; that it is just really exhausting sometimes!
And I reckon overall, I’m heading in to the end of 2022 pretty shattered and tired overall. I get a sense that this is the same for many people. It has been A. Year.
Again.
I think pandemic exhaustion is here big time. We’re exhausted and over it being part of our lives. I think we still wish it wasn’t and I think there’s elements of denial in how some people are coping by pushing on as if it isn’t a thing anymore. But it is really. Cases are going up, right before Christmas (any one else having a trauma response to last Christmas when in SA we opened the borders and chaos ensued? Only me? OK, carry on!) which is already a crazy time of year for so many of us.
I don’t feel like I came in to the year well rested with working in public health in the midst of the significant increase in covid cases; it cast a shadow over my leave and I came back in to work to high demands on our system necessitating a range of changes to my work role. I then changed work roles in March to move to the university sector part time and then increased my hours in May with another university position and then I promptly caught covid myself along with my whole family. I’ve then spent the rest of this year battling with long covid; which is only now mostly receding.
So it’s been a big year!
I have really enjoyed doing more work in the university sector this year for sure; although it’s probably not been quite what I thought it would be. It’s not like I thought it would be a cruisy ride working for a university- not at all. I’ve worked for a couple of universities as a casual for almost 10 years now and believe me, despite the fact that university starts for students in March and ends in November, it is a very big workload led by people who are passionate about delivering good outcomes for students. So I knew it would be a lot to do but I think I thought the difference between the demands of clinical work in public health and the pace of university life would be so substantial, it would help me finalise my recovery from years of burnout.
I have always felt that university was my safe place; it’s a place where I’ve generally done well as a student as I love learning and I love sharing knowledge. I was so excited to work even more for a place where I could share my knowledge and experiences with the students to build a new generation of great therapists. However, I think I probably expected more of a relief and less stress and demand generally than what I experienced in public health, given the intensity of the clinical environment I had left. A clinical environment where I’d felt exhausted by the pressures on the system, decisions being made out of our hands and feeling like I was constantly fighting (and losing) battles every single day. I think I thought that by escaping that environment, I would immediately feel better and be totally fine now- after all, I’d made it. I’d survived my big managerial and covid year of 2020 and had a decent, if challenging 2021, but this year, 2022, it was going to be my year. And of course, after a rough start with covid challenges etc, going further in to university; that was going to be like a fully fresh start! I think I thought, I’m going to be doing work that I love and more of it- so I’ll enjoy it more surely? This is now going to be my “thing” so I’ll enjoy it more now I can do more of it and focus on it more.
But that’s not really what happened. It didn’t get more enjoyable. It really didn’t get a lot easier. Some of the things about the context of doing it as a casual, change when you do it more, suddenly there’s things you have to do, that you didn’t when you were casual. There’s things you didn’t have full responsibility over; now you do. There’s things that you didn’t need to know about; that now you really do. There’s things you don’t mind doing (like marking) that you now have to do so much more of. And look, this isn’t a full whinge about marking truly- I have had a particularly unique situation with the subjects I’ve been involved in where all of the marking has been all at once. And that truly wont always be the case. But overall for me, it felt like I had to do more, on my own and do it better, more effectively and efficiently than ever before. I think I was truly surprised and taken aback that I found the year a bit harder than I thought I would.
It’s surprisingly hard to admit that in some ways! But one of the things I’ve consistently learnt and done since realising I was burnout, is be as transparent and authentic as I can be. So, yeah, 2022 has been a bit more of a challenge than I’d anticipated…
But there has also been some really great things happen this year. I have loved starting this blog and website and growing my business (in amongst that university work!). I have built up both client work as well as consultancy and mentoring work and truly had some just wonderful conversations and connections over the year. I went to a great networking event last week and connected up a couple of OTs, had an incredible conversation today with an OT who is starting an incredible movement and I’m having dinner with some of my favourite OTs this week. I’ve had time to read research articles and put presentations together and engage in some of the online groups I’ve been part of (but had no time or mental space to actual participate in) and I’ve worked hard at my mental and physical health through so much of this; and I can earnestly say, that I am feeling quietly hopeful, positive and optimistic about 2023.
So look, if you’re tired and feeling run down and burnt out, heading in to the festive season. I get it. I do. Be kind to yourself. Try to find some space for you and your needs. Acknowledge all that you’ve survived and done; whether its what you expected or what you thought it was going to look like. Reflect on things that went well and opportunities for growth and development. And make some time to think about what you want your 2023 to look like personally and professionally. Consider making a plan for professional development, well being or building connection and supports.
If you need some help, you could consider working more closely with me including
- Individual, goal focussed supportive mentoring. Contact me for times and availability; we can start with a coffee catch up and go from there!
- Accelerate small group monthly mentoring for new or early career OTs (coming in 2023! Email me to register your interest Nicole@encourageot.com or go here to the contact page)
- Building Blocks monthly online short courses focussed on refreshing knowledge and going deeper in key areas of OT practice to build your clinical skills and confidence (we start with Home Mods end of Jan 2023)
And reach out if any of this resonates with you as I’m always up for a chat!
I’m going to share some more ideas for making plans for next year over the coming weeks to help us head in to 2023 ready for new challenges and adventures.
