I have a lot of ideas. In fact, my brain is often buzzing and fizzing around with 1000 ideas or projects. Things I want to do, to make, to create, things to start, things to improve other things and so on… This is both in my work life and in my private life. I remember one unsolicited (by me) job reference that a manager gave about me said something like “Nicole is full of good ideas”. The rest of the reference was somewhat less positive about my ability to deliver on those; because you know finishing is a whole different proposition around overcoming procrastination and perfectionism [Another boss once said to me “You know it doesn’t have to be perfect. Your version of perfect is probably more than adequate or any one else’s just fine. But I will never know that and no one will ever be able to give you feedback on it if you don’t ever show anyone or never finish”. And look I know he’s right, but my brain often comes back with “But isn’t getting it done perfectly better again than it just being done?!”. It is a very noisy brain that I have.. with lots of opinions 😊]
Anyway, I digress. Where I was going was around having ideas and projects and starting new things. And the crux of it is about that- new things. Because a new thing is, by definition (see Google’s definition from Oxford Languages), something you haven’t done before- it’s something you’re doing for the first time. It’s unfamiliar, you may be inexperienced or unaccustomed to it and/or it’s different.
And when something is new, there’s often a learning process. The learning process is what takes something from brand new to known and familiar, to understood and learnt. And I love learning. I do. I always have. My mum was a teacher and I’m now a lecturer. I feel I often relate with my students at university because it wasn’t that long ago that I was there doing my own post grad studies. My Dad and I have both been described as eternal students! I’m driven by growth and development and I love the idea of life long learning.
Except when I dont. I don’t like it when learning is hard and doesn’t come easily. And I don’t really always like the process of learning and the feeling of learning. That feeling of incompetence or feeling stupid when I don’t know something or I’m not good at something (yet). I actually really dislike that uncomfortable feeling.
It’s that feeling when you’ve started a new job and you just feel so slow and clumsy and clunky with the systems and processes. There’s things you don’t know and things that you don’t know that you don’t know. There’s things that seem different to your last job or different to you expectations. There might be things that are done that don’t make sense to you but that’s how it is in this work setting.
I find all sorts of little demons rear their ugly head
- Fear and worry of making a mistake (and that I’ll get in trouble for this)
- High expectations: I need to be competent immediately
- Imposter syndrome: I don’t know what I’m doing and no one seems to know this and I have to pretend that I do but what if I get found out and they realise I know nothing and they fire me (might be some catastrophising in there too! I’m good at that)
- Comparison to others. This is a doozy. There’s so often those people that have it altogether and seem so quick and efficient and competent and I find that I often compare myself to them. My self talk becomes “Everyone else seems to know what they’re doing here- why is this so hard for me? Why cant I seem to get this? What’s wrong with me?” And look honestly, I work on this in therapy all the time because it’s my default when something is going on in my life or something is hard; what is wrong with me? I don’t like this part of myself and then I wonder what’s wrong with me that I think something is always wrong with me!
I think in a work setting these feelings and thoughts are often super amplified because there’s more meaning and value attached to work for me and in wanting to be good at something. But honestly, this discomfort and these feelings show up for me so often when I have to learn something new.
At the moment, my current projects that I’m struggling with include
- Learning my new client management software
- Having a larger caseload and bigger business role
- Launching some short courses within my business
- Being a podcaster
- Still learning to be a Lecturer
- Being a Mum of both a school and pre school kid
- How to use my Cricut machine
And it might seem silly, but it was really the last one that has totally thrown up this latest crisis of confidence. I purchased this lovely new Cricut machine for some craft project ideas and it has generated all those nasty little thoughts and feelings I described earlier!
My knowledge of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy tells me that then those thoughts and feelings drive my behaviours which tend to show up like
- Avoidance. Just not thinking about it or attending to it.
- Not trying. Cant fail if you don’t try. Cant lose if you don’t play the game. Also don’t have to feel uncomfortable in the learning space. An active decision to not bother and to not try.
- Paralysis. This is different to not trying- this is almost like wanting to try but just being so anxious and worried that I cant get started with doing anything. I don’t know where to start or what to do and I go around in circles and just get stuck. Slowness usually is an active doing but just slowly. Paralysis never makes it over the line in to doing anything.
- Sitting back and watching. Partly this is a learning style of mine (Reflector/Theorist) in that I like to observe before I experience. I like to read and know things and have all the facts before I make a decision. But there’s a watching and evaluating in my observations that is deciding whether I’m capable or not of doing that task and weighing up trying or not trying, weighing up whether I’ll look silly if I try and fail, weighing up if I think it’s within my capacity to grasp.
- Slowness. Trying (yay- go brave Nicole!) but going tediously slow, checking and double checking to make sure I’ve got it right and haven’t made a mistake.
- Giving up. This is trying but then giving up because it’s hard, it’s going to take too long to learn, I don’t feel naturally gifted at this.
All these behaviours really come from that discomfort of sitting in the learning space in the middle between being new at something and being proficient at something. And I see this in my clients, my students and my children when they’re learning (or relearning) new things too. I know I’m not alone here. It’s this discomfort about feeling and even being a bit rubbish at something. It’s not feeling confident and letting that feeling drive further feelings about myself and affect my belief in myself and my ability to learn. I cognitively know that learning is a journey and this discomfort is like a tunnel- and on the other side is competence and one day even confidence but that tunnel can feel so long to endure.
But the thing is, that these behaviours are not actually helpful in progressing learning, building competence, self belief and confidence. The truth is that learning is uncomfortable. Learning takes time. It takes practice; so much practice. Neuroscience tells us that it takes many repetitions to build a consistent pathway for movement; let alone highly skilled sequences of movements.
And so, I need to deal with that critical voice. I need to have compassion for myself. Resilience and a growth mindset have to also be learnt and practiced to develop. And so I keep on learning to sit with this discomfort, over and over again. To acknowledge it and even thank it for the lessons it teaches me about myself.
And then there’s practical things like being brave and sitting down with my husband and unpacking the Cricut while we worked out together how it works and did the practice projects it came with. It was trying some different things. It was joining an online Cricut group. Pestering my friend who has one (and lives interstate) with questions. Watching videos. Finding out about Cricut classes at Spotlight.
And so that reminds me, yet again, of the supports for learning and growth for my students but also for therapists out there
- Support. Having a fellow learner in the journey with you. (Thanks husband!)
- Guidance. Having an expert or more experienced person to seek mentoring and support (Thanks Bella!).
- Resources. Accessing a range of learning resources in different formats (videos, instructions etc).
- Formal lessons for observation and practice and doing and then getting feedback, advice and support to improve.
- Community. This can be a community of practice or like minded people.
So as we go in to the new learning year for university, I’m reminded again of modelling and showing what learning looks like in all it’s discomfort. Being brave. Showing up. Just trying. Being kind to myself when I make mistakes. Trying again. And again. And again.
If you’re reading this and you identify with any of this I would love to know about it! Feel free to comment on Facebook or Instagram any of your thoughts about learning.
Also happy to offer any support and mentoring to help you reach your learning goals this year; just not about the Cricut (yet!). Contact me here
