There’s been a lot written about the OT Exchange (OTX) conference already (see here and here) and initially I didn’t feel that I had an awful lot to add to these wonderful reflections. As a first time exhibitor, I didn’t get to see a lot of the conference sessions (although I’m loving catching up on those I missed online!) and it was quite a different experience going from being a consumer or participant to being an exhibitor. I often felt a bit stretched between the exhibition stand and attending sessions and I wanted to do it all but was disappointed I couldn’t. However, on reflecting on the conference, with a bit of distance now, I wanted to share my different perspective as a stall holder in the exhibition space representing my business.
So to start at the beginning, why did I decide to have a stall at the OTX conference? Well, essentially this goes back to the business retreat I went on last year which was a lightbulb moment for me in terms of thinking of myself as a business and business owner. I was already passionate about my mentoring and supervision work but embracing that as a clear goal and direction for my business caused me to feel a need to really connect more intentionally with OTs and to be bolder in discussing what I do and the value I bring to the mentoring space.. I had also poured my heart and soul in to developing an online course about burnout for OTs as I feel this is such an issue in our profession but somehow seems to be accepted as almost inevitable, down played as a minor issue or else treated as something to be embarrassed or ashamed about. So it became important to me to go to the OTX conference to meet and connect with more OTs and hopefully, open up some more conversations about burnout as well encourage and lift up the OTs I met. Plus I have met some awesome therapists online through LinkedIn and Facebook communities (like Clare Batkin, Jenny Gribbin and Sarah Collison) and I was keen to meet and connect in person. Plus conference learning and inspiration!
So I signed up for a booth. Not going to lie; it’s pretty expensive for a sole trader in terms of the cost of the booth but also resources, time out of my business, flights etc. It felt like a big undertaking. But OTA had a “start up alley” which was less expensive and meant I got a spot next to my friend and fellow South Aussie, Brad from the Becoming Collective so I committed to it and started making plans for what I would do to make the most out of this opportunity.
In the lead up to the event, I felt a bit embarrassed somehow. Like who am I to have a booth? Am I even a “proper business”? Will people think I’m showing off or big noting myself? Will people think I’m just there to sell something? What if no one is interested in what I have to share? Am I allowed to call myself an OT mentor? What if I don’t sell any courses because people think it’s a waste of time? What if no one even comes to my booth to see me?
And these feelings only intensified as the event got closer. In fact, the week beforehand was filled with doubt, worry, tears, desperate phone call to my mentor and anxious messages with my OT friends and fellow exhibitors Brad and Bronwyn.
I think part of my worry came from really caring and really wanting to do well and get a lot of out the conference in terms of connecting with others and getting the word out about the benefits of mentoring and the need to address burnout. I think I was worried that my hopes and intentions would not happen and maybe I cared a little too much or had built it up in my mind to be this enormous thing that everything was riding on (I’ve never been accused of thinking too little! I mean, my colleague at my university role got me an “Overthinkers” badge for Christmas 😊).
I’m also quite introverted and can be a bit socially awkward at times as I’m rubbish at small talk so the peopling element was worrying me. But mostly, my old frenemy Imposter Syndrome had come to stay and was taking up an awful lot of space in my brain. I felt like I was not a proper business and I definitely didn’t feel like an entrepreneur (and I’d been invited to an entrepreneur’s dinner!). My business is pretty much just me (and a VA and a book keeper). I have lots of ideas but my follow through isn’t great and my marketing is rubbish! I’m not slick or professional. I don’t wear business suits (or makeup or heels!). I do not have it altogether; I’m still working things out and making mistakes and struggling with cash flow and stretching myself too thin. All the things that feel the opposite to what I think of when I think of a successful, innovative, confident entrepreneur with a clear vision and full of conviction about the difference they’re making. And here I was, struggling with imposter syndrome which only made me feel like more of an imposter.
Imposter Syndrome is not a pleasant feeling. We doubt ourselves and our very identity as well as what we’re doing. We feel out of place in the setting we’re in and we feel like we’ll get found out as an imposter at any moment- and we’ll then feel embarrassment and shame and it will have confirmed the thought that we don’t belong and we’re not who we think we are or who we want to be.
I have learnt over the years that I don’t need to lean into those feelings though. My mentor reminded me that I don’t need to compare myself or my business to others, especially those further along in their business journey. And I think that, with the benefit of experience and reflection, I’ve got better at being able to see the Imposter Syndrome, label it, acknowledge it and then move on and do the thing anyway. Because those feelings are not who I am. After all,
- A writer is someone who writes.
- An OT does OT.
- I’m an exhibitor because I exhibit.
- I’m a business owner because I have an ABN
- I’m an entrepreneur because I set up a business and I do things differently.
And I don’t have to feel like any of those things to be assured of who and what I am and my worth and value as a person, professional and OT mentor.
So I showed up!
And it was great and no where near as scary or anxiety provoking as I had anticipated (of course!). Here’s my top takeaways from this experience
- Support is essential. We don’t have to do things alone and it’s OK to ask for help, to need help and to accept help that is offered. And in a room full of OTs who love helping there was no shortage of help available. From practical help (like borrowing high vis for set up/pack up; Thanks Theratrak!) to encouragement and companionship there was a lovely community around me. Jenny Gribbin said in her Oration to “find your tribe” and I 100% support that but I also learnt to let my tribe find me too.
- Growth happens outside of our comfort zone (of course). It was distinctly uncomfortable to be outside of my comfort zone and I probably didn’t always extend myself as much as I could have. There were many reasons for this and I’m being kind to myself about these whilst also acknowledging that growth and opportunities happen outside of where I feel safe. So maybe I will be even braver next time!
- Self-care remains so important. The theme I chose for my stand was “You cant pour from an empty cup” and I had some beautiful conversations with some experienced OTs who also talked about pouring from our overflow not draining our cup to full others up. I really love that. And I found that I felt obligated to be at my stall all the time but I needed to practice what I preach and remember to eat, to have a slow morning when I needed it and enjoy the fresh air and a walk.
- Connection is powerful. I’ve mentioned about support but connection with others is also so wonderful and powerful. I felt like I struggled with the depth of conversations at the stall. Like I hated cutting off a conversation to talk to others that were waiting to chat but I didn’t want them to feel ignored so I tried to talk to everyone. Which wasn’t easy but I hope that from here some of the conversations can continue actually. It was wonderful to connect with so many OTs; to strengthen and deepen some connections and to make new connections. One of my most deeply uplifting and refreshing parts of the trip to Perth was spending the day after the conference with an OT friend and former colleague where we wandered and talked so much about so many things. It was soul filling for sure.
- OTs really are some of the best people I know and are utterly epic in their commitment and dedication to helping others. I think through the conference there was a lot of discussions about some of the challenges that OTs face including the negative publicity about OTs in the media and worry/frustration about funding bodies. Priscilla Ennals wrapped up the conference talking about OTs being fragile-strong, humble-proud, badass- ninjas who can achieve so much. I think for me, what struck me about the conference was the heart of OTs for the people and the communities we work in and the amazing innovations being done across so many areas to continue to try to help people as much as we can. I feel encouraged and uplifted that no matter what we face in the future, OTs will find a way to continue to meet our client’s needs in/out/around the systems and structures we are faced with. We are innovators, change makers and creative problem solvers. We can and do make a difference every day and we can and will continue to do so, no matter what happens in the health, disability and aged care sectors. I’m more confident of that than ever and believe we can do anything if we keep supporting, encouraging and uplifting each other!
